Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Using "Your" Children

I can't remember what liberal blogger realized this, but the modern conservative movement believes in only one thing, and that is annoying liberals.

So it's not too surprising to find this article by one Selwyn Duke called How to Use Your Children to Annoy a Liberal:
One under-appreciated vehicle through which to do this is your children. You can use your kids to annoy liberals, but I don't mean in the way liberals annoy other people with theirs. Liberals, by not civilizing their children, breed brats who bounce balls in supermarkets, play hide-and-go-seek in restaurants, keep the makers of psychotropic medication in business and sometimes chant 'Yes, we can!' No, the techniques in question here are far different.

One of the best ways to use your children in this regard is to have a lot of them. Liberals, being generally misinformed and detached from reality, don't know that the Western world faces a population implosion, and the exercise of fecundity isn't a choice they appreciate. You know, if they see a gaggle of boys and girls following someone mother-goose style, they think carbon footprints, Malthusian nightmares and about how the 'wrong' people are breeding.

And think about the fun you could have. For example, a nice touch would be to sport a bumper sticker saying, 'My seven kids can beat up your one Ritalin-addled C-student.' Also, when the size of your family is raised in conversation, you can casually mention how the Bible instructs us to be fruitful and multiply. Judeo-Christian references move a liberal like nothing else.

How you raise your children matters, too. Make sure they not only play with toy guns but that they do it publicly. And it helps if they audibly say things such as 'Bang, bang, you're dead!' Liberals view this the way a normal person would view the exposure of a child to pornography. This is especially effective with the subspecies of liberals known as the suburban soccer mom.

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