I Keep Accidentally Hitting Ticking Time Bombs With These Dead Cats That I Am Swinging!

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was water- , uh, treated 183 times and Abu Zubayduh got it 83 times, says Fox News' Joseph Abrams:

A U.S. official with knowledge of the interrogation program told FOX News that the much-cited figure represents the number of times water was poured onto Mohammed's face -- not the number of times the CIA applied the simulated-drowning technique on the terror suspect. According to a 2007 Red Cross report, he was subjected a total of "five sessions of ill-treatment."

"The water was poured 183 times -- there were 183 pours," the official explained, adding that "each pour was a matter of seconds."

Good thing he's eager to keep accurate torture stats, and to check them with "a U.S. official." Abrams cites the Red Cross as estimating Mohammed's actual waterboarding sessions at like 5 times, and he cites the fully insane Zubayduh as saying he'd had 10 sessions.

Regarding Zubayduh, former Bush Office of Legal Counsel official and current U.S. Court of Appeals judge Jay Bybee started seeing time bombs.

Zubaydah has become accustomed to a certain level of treatment and displays no signs of willingness to disclose further information. Moreover, your intelligence indicates that there is currently a level of ‘chatter’ equal to that which preceded the September 11 attacks.

That's at least 10 time-bombs for that guy! In only one month! These guys are like Spy vs. Spy -- but only the one in black, of course.

So Zubayduh got about 8 pours per session, where Mohammed got like 37? Okay, nothing to see here. Right, just move along and make sure you don't step in the OLC memo -- whoops! --

During a session, water may be applied up to six times for ten seconds or longer (but never more than 40 seconds). In a 24-hour period, a detainee may be subjected to up to twelve minutes of water application. See id. at 42. Additionally, the waterboard may be used on as many as five days during a 30-day approval period.

Hmm! If I were inclined to think that torurers don't necessarily hew to the code, I might suspect they'd gone over that 5-days-a-month limit. I mean, 183 water-pourings would seem to take 31 sessions.

Ah, never mind. I've got to call a scrap metal guy to haul off all these surplus time bombs.