Friday, May 08, 2009

Satire: UR Doin' It Wrong

Hi. My Internet name is Marmot, and I am addicted to Dijongate.

It's not so much the fact that Obama went and got a hamburger with dijon mustard, or that the right has cranked another ill-conceived smear out of nothing. The really tasty component of this is how it reflects upon the thought processes of certain right-wing law professors, i.e., very badly.

Dijongate's early adopter, and maybe its father, is one William Jacobson, a blogger and clinical professor of law at Cornell Law School. Whatever the man's professional qualifications, his satire needs work. Oh! Here he is now:
Andrea Mitchell (does she have nothing else to do?) reported that Obama ordered a burger and mustard. Sounds like it had that "real guy kind of quality."

Mitchell even noted that Obama left a $5 tip in the tip jar. But she didn't mention one arugula-like fact, and you couldn't hear it on the MSNBC video because Andrea and her correspondent Kelly O'Donnel (they needed two people to cover this story) were talking so much.

[...] Actually, the quote was "you got a spicy mustard or something like that, or a Dijon mustard, something like that".

Obama ordered his burger with DIJON MUSTARD! Bet he had to seek John Kerry's counsel on that.
Ah. So he's saying MSNBC covered up the fact that Obama is a Kerry-style elitist, as evidenced by condiment choice. Alright then, nothing new here. Liberal-media conspiracy? Check. Elitism revealed through windsurfing/condiment/Frenchness? Check. I'll just straighten up this pile of paper and--
UPDATE No. 2: The cover-up is getting deeper. Here is an MSNBC website version of the video in which they cut off the audio just before the mention of Dijon mustard. [...]

UPDATE No. 3: There may be addictive behavior involved. Here is one of Obama's favorite lunch recipes:

President Obama's Tuna Salad
Grey Poupon mustard
Chopped gherkins [...]

UPDATE No. 4: He ordered a cheddar cheese burger with Dijon Mustard on his first flight on Air Force One, and the mainstream media didn't cover it. You know the sorry state of journalism when People Magazine is the only hard news coverage [...]
Ah. OK, so he's being a little sarcastic. He's not really pissed about a shadowy MSNBC conspiracy, after all. OK. He's writing satire about newsfolks' obsession with a trivial subject. Aha. So then that stuff about elistism and condiments must've been satire too. Ahhhhh. It's true -- it's silly to cover this stuff, and the right does make too much of windsurfing, etc. Back to my pile of paper then, and--
UPDATE No. 7: It is interesting to watch how unhinged many nutroots blogs have gone over this post. One thing that seems to have gotten under their skin is the use of the Obama Hope poster theme for Grey Poupon.
Whuh? But weren't you parodying the media? Now the left is "unhinged"? What about?
[From Comments]joeyess said... Jesus H. Christ on a Segway. Is this the best a law professor from Cornell can come up with? Snide comments about Obama requesting Dijon mustard??
Ohhhhh. I see--lefties are pissed that Jacobson, a righty, seems to be alleging Obama's elistism through condiment choice, and possibly windsurfing. But this commenter is in error, right? I mean, the post is clearly about dumb media stories--
William A. Jacobson said... I think Joeyess needs to get a life and get out of the house, and if so, perhaps he'd understand a little sarcasm is a good thing. It certainly seemed to work for the left when W was in office but I guess the One is off limits.
Huh? You were being sarcastic about the dijon? So then ... you didn't really mean that you didn't think Dijon was elitist? I'm confused--
[From Comments] Jesse Taylor said... The problem is that your "sarcasm" was a major campaign tactic for W for the entirety of 2004. So, yeah, going by the W standard, you're participating in one of the dumbest "MSM"-driven stories that's ever existed.
William A. Jacobson said... So it all gets back to Bush hatred. I should have known. There are countries in the world where people are not allowed to mock their leaders, such as Venezuela, Cuba, and Iran. I must have hit a nerve here.
Blurgle? And wait a--
William A. Jacobson said... Yes, completely unhinged. The reactions to this post confirm what has been obvious for years (and decades). The most intolerant people are those on the left who claim to be tolerant. The people who hate freedom of speech the most are those on the left who claim to be in favor of free speech. If left to their own devices, we would have tens of thousands of wannabe Hugo Chavez's.
Let me see if I've got it now: Post a seeming satire of airhead TV news coverage; layer on a fake-seeming elitism smear based on condiments; wait for lefty commenters to get pissed about that neither-fake-nor-real smear, since Kerry bore its brunt due to excessive windsurfing. This proves that lefties will abolish the First Amendment.

Ah. Just so. Now if I can only straighten up--
Two regular guys out for a guy kind of meal. A script written in the White House and read by MSNBC.

But MSNBC edited out the audio when Obama ordered his Hell Burger just at the moment when Obama asked for Dijon mustard. Now I have nothing against Dijon mustard, but the image didn't fit with the image being spun by the White House and MSNBC. Dijon mustard on a Hell Burger had a very John Kerry-ish quality about it.
Hunhmung bean? So you meant that as a smear all along???? But then why parody it with updates about silly news stories?
This void in Obama's story leaves the Democratic hold on power vulnerable. One disastrous photo-op, open mike, or tape recorder left running, could puncture the Democratic bubble.

Which is why the mainstream media and nutroots need to protect Obama's image. As others have noted, the late night comics have stayed away from the usual mocking given to all prior presidents, even though Obama has provided plenty of potential material through his teleprompter dependence.

Insecurity breeds anger, and nowhere is that insecurity more evident than on left-wing blogs. Some seek to impose a new commandment, "thou shall not mock Obama." And if that means "thou shall not mock Obama's mustard," then so it is written, so it is done.
Mygodman! You've demolished that argument yourself! If the media were trying to protect Obama, then maybe the mustard story wouldn't have gotten covered. Just maybe!

In the meantime, the left is worried that you brainiacs are going to stumble upon the perfect teleprompter/windsurfing/mustard gaffe? Granted, GW Bush used that tactic plenty through two elections. But we've got serious problems not involving public speaking aids/outdoor pastimes/condiments.

Allow me to suggest alternatives. The left is pissed that you're genuinely trying to smear Obama with trivia--and you really are! Meanwhile, you guys seem to be crazy morons, and it's kind of funny.

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