Beret

Fake Steve Jobs:

As for all the rest of you, listen up. I'm back in charge, and I'm not going to ship this tablet unless it's perfect. Remember when I told you to make me a phone with only one button, and you said it couldn't be done? But then we did it. Sure, you all complained about me being a dick about the user interface, and making you redo the buttons and reshape the back and make the corners a tiny bit smoother. But in case you hadn't noticed, that product has done pretty well out there in the marketplace.

So listen up. The tablet, as it stands today, is a piece of shit. It's got Tim Cook's stink all over it. Tim's a great supply chain guy, I'll give him that. But when I was away he kind of went crazy and started wearing a beret and holding design meetings in his office. Jonny Ive would complain to me about it, but I was like, Jonny, dude, I'm lying here with a bunch of machines like from the Matrix all hooked up inside my guts, okay? Just deal with it till I get back.