Exclusively

My Day as David Brooks:

4:25 p.m. – Edit column slightly. Add suggestion that U.S. soldiers wear bulletproof pink Oxford dress shirts to remind them of the super-genius neoconservative hawks who masterminded the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

4:26 p.m. – Remove suggestion that soldiers wear bulletproof pink dress shirts. File column.

4:55 p.m. – Send e-mail to Times Editor Bill Keller: “Please remind everyone that food in the staff fridge marked ‘David Brooks’ belongs exclusively to David Brooks. Thanks.”